You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
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