I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Randomize
