dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
