I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize