I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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