remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
