How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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