I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
