now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
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She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
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Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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