She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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