She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I woke up under a house in Key West
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