Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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