you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
