Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
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