shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
