I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize