are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
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