I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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