today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
