shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
