One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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