Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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