Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
