The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Randomize
