dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
