I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Randomize
