So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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