Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Randomize
