yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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