i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
