I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
