I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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