You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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