worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
