dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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