1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
