I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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