Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
