Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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