Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
