i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
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look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
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I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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