bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
