I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
