I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I am never drinking with the goths again.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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