OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
