I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
