Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
