I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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