so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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