i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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