We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
