she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
