we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
