I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
