Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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