the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
