wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
