she woke up with a sticky ear
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
