You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
