oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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