8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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