I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
