I saw his package. It spoke to me.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
