you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
